Miss Fortune (shestrying) wrote in step_parenting,
Miss Fortune
shestrying
step_parenting

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Newbie

Hello! I am new to the community and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Dana, and I am 25. I never wanted to be in this situation, in fact when a mutual friend tried to hook my fiance and I up, I declined because he has a daughter. Eventually I gave in though, I figured it might not work out anyway, so what is the harm in a date... we have been together (pretty much) everyday since that first date.
The situation is as follows, my lease is about to go up on my apartment and we are going to be moving in together. FH and I will be moving in together, along with his daughter, whom he has joint custody of. I have never lived with a child, I always imagined that I would learn how to parent with a baby, not a 3, almost 4 year old. I would lie if i said i wasn't concerned. I am open to any advice people are willing to give me, or just any support at all. I am sure i will be on here a lot asking for opinions.
This is already long, but i do have a first question to ask. Have you ever heard a situation was going on at the other parents house that you just did not believe was safe? How did you react to this/ what actions did you take? I don't want to come in and seem like the pushy new girl, but if someone is endangering the life of a child I have a problem with it.
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  • 7 comments
I'm actually new to this community and this whole step-parenting thing as well. I'm 23 and just got engaged. My fiance has a son who is 3 and a half. I get along great with her son and he thinks the world of me, but his father is sort of a dead beat and has never paid child support I think I am going to have a hard time getting along with him.
We are going to be moving in together as well in a few months. I spend alot of time with them, but it will definitely be a change.

Sorry I dont have any advice for you, but I am in the same situation!

Good luck!
i think it is easier if the child is younger when you become a part of it's life. i don't know about you, but sometimes i think how it will be in like 10 years when 13/14 comes along. scary, things could change drastically "you're not my mom" blah blah blah. guess i will deal with that when the time comes!
good luck to you as well!
Several years ago I moved in with my now husband and his child.
I gotta say this has been one of the most difficult situations I have ever willing put myself into.
My step son is now 12 and maybe it will be different for you since your bf daughter is much younger than my "kid" is.

I cant tell you what it will be like but there will be ups and downs, and sometimes more downs than ups.

My SS goes to his moms every other weekend and I think is emotionally abused there but I have found I cant do anything really about what happens at her house, as she can not control what happens at ours.

Its tough being a step mom.
Communication is key, for all parties involved.

Not much advise here but you are not alone.
when i married my husband his x was not letting him speak to or visit his 2 kids- we thought we would be lucky if we got visitation in the future...a year later after i just found out i was pregnant with my own baby, i found out his then troubled 10 year old girl was coming to live with us! i can't even describe all the changes and tensions and tears and anger and adjustments i had to go thru. Now that my son is a year old, I find myself very attached to my SD and love and enjoy her. I would still like more privacy and quiet here and there but most of the issues are major parenting disagreements between my husband and i. i would like to "friend" you to see how you do with this and so we can 'talk" and comment more.
I have no baby momma drama (this far), so i am lucky for that :) i have dated others with children (nothing serious)who had INSANE ex's. i am sure this one will have her moments. For me it will just be getting use to having a child around. i do have one question for you though, since you son is around the age where they begin to talk. Does he call you "mom" or some variation of even though (i am assuming) your step daughter does not. It seems silly, but i have honestly worried that because i do not plan on having me call my FSD "mom" it will rub off on my own children, and that would kill me...
i don't really write in my own journal often, more communities, but i will add you :)
Odds are when you do have children with you fiance if your step daughter is still young she will hear your child calling you mom and she will pick it up. Worse case just explain to your child and to her that they have different moms and you love them both the same...your child will call you mom with no confusion and your step daughter may too...
I am in the same situation...well almost...I had never lived with a child before and I got with my husband who has custody of his now 4 year old son. It is definitely an adjustment. Make sure that you are open with communication with your fiance. About how to raise and discipline...what kind of role you will have in that, and what his hopes are for your role.

If you are concerned about what your step-daughter's natural mother is doing you should discuss it with your fiance. I have the same issues with the natural mother of my step son. (been out of work for years, living with 7 people in a 2 bedroom trailer and does drugs). In my case I just discuss my concerns with my husband and he has them addressed, legally if need be. Even though you are a step parent I believe that you still have a say because you are joining him in his efforts to raise his child...Just be open in communication with him and make sure that you are just patient... step parents are always hard...

Does his daughter understand what role you play? That you arent her natural mommy (didnt come from your stomach) but that you are marrying Daddy and going to help Daddy take care of her? Thats what we told me step son and he completely understands. He calls me Mommy #2 or just Laura