kattaco (kattaco) wrote in step_parenting,
kattaco
kattaco
step_parenting

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Advise needed

Good News!!!!!
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SD's mom and I are getting along better. I thought it was kewl that after she sad there arguing with Z online for awhile, she picked up the phone, called me, and we came to a compromise in 5 minutes. That's awesome. I also talked online with her for a bit about the rules she has in her house vs. our house. They are not as different as munchkins keeps telling her dad and I. heh. So. Her mom said she was going to try and make it so that munchkin see that she's doing them in her house so that it's not that traumatic when she's here. Hopefully that will work. Not just that, her mom told me that she was very disappointed in how Munchkin treated me and behaved this summer and she's been talking to her about respecting me and our house.  So.. these are some awesome things that are going on here.  Hopefully this will continue.

Need Advise Part!!!!
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My step-daughter is adopted. Plain and simple. This does not bother myself or my family. We love her just the same. However, Her adopted parents had agreed to tell SD about this by the time she was this age. She will be 7 in two weeks. I am still friends with SD's Birth parents, as we were all part of a large hang out group since before SD was conceived.

I am getting more and more worried about SD not knowing she's adopted. i've talked with some of my friends, some that have been adopted and some that have adopted out. I know both ends of the scale on people that were adopted, one that wasn't told until he was 18 and the other that was told when he was at least 5.  The one that knew at a younger age took it a lot better than the older one.  Munchkin is going to have enough problems in school as she gets older, friends, teachers, classes. I think that she should be told before she leaves elementary school. I think she should be told before she's 9 really. But that's not that far away. I"m concerned on the impact it will have on her.  Even right now at her age it's going to have an impact. I was going to ask her parents if I could start talking about my family being her adopted family. They did sorta adopt her into the family. Or to make notice that my friends that have known her a really long time are her Adopted aunt and uncle.  I have several "unofficially adopted" family members.   So.. At some point her mom told Z that it was not place to be part of telling munchkin. I'm not sure if that has changed at all but I hope that i can be there to help munchkin to see that it's ok.  She has sooo much family that love her.   I just hope she see's that. I guess i'm afraid too that if they wait to long, we are all going to loose that sweetness she shows us.  I'm afraid she will pull back and only show us resentment.  I'm more afraid because it's not my place to tell her but yet i want to really bad.  But i know that if i do, There goes that relationship with munchkins mother.  THAT would be a bad thing.

So. I'm torn.. what's advise or words can you guys offer??

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